One day an Englishman, an American, and a Australian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Melbouorne Bitter. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American
fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if
nothing happened. The Australian picked the fly out of his drink and started
shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT !!!"
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American
fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if
nothing happened. The Australian picked the fly out of his drink and started
shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT !!!"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the
story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the
story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
My fav:
Two old men are sitting on the front porch rocking the day away. An old coon dog is laying beside them licking himself where dogs are prone to lick.
One old man says to the other, "I sure wish I could do that."
The other old man replied, "Go ahead, he ain't a mean dog."
Two old men are sitting on the front porch rocking the day away. An old coon dog is laying beside them licking himself where dogs are prone to lick.
One old man says to the other, "I sure wish I could do that."
The other old man replied, "Go ahead, he ain't a mean dog."
alright heres mine
why did the chicken cross the road??
because there was food on the other side!!!!
why did the chicken cross the road??
because there was food on the other side!!!!
Different punchline, spoke in slow Southern drawl:
"Oooh, he would biiiiite yooouu!"
TitanJeff said:
"Oooh, he would biiiiite yooouu!"
BTW, did you know that Helen Keller's favorite color is cordoroy?
Some German humor:
"What is romantic?"
"When a man strokes a woman tenderly with a feather."
"What is perverse?"
"When the chicken is still attached."
Some German humor:
"What is romantic?"
"When a man strokes a woman tenderly with a feather."
"What is perverse?"
"When the chicken is still attached."
Why are people in New York depressed all the time?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
:ha:avvie said:
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her as a child?
They rearranged the furniture.
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
She tried to read a waffle iron.
How did she burn her face?
Bobbing for french fries.
How did she burn her ear?
Answering the iron.
How did she burn her other ear?
They called back.
Have you heard about the new Helen Keller doll?
You wind it up and it walks into the wall.
How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard?
Neither did she.
Why were Helen Keller's pants yellow?
Her dog was blind too.
Helen Adams Keller (June 27, 1880 – June 1, 1968) was a deafblind American author, activist and lecturer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller
There are three rings to a marriage
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
3. suffering
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
3. suffering
I'm the boss and I run things in my house... the dishwasher, the vacuum cleaner, washer and dryer, etc
I do whatever I want to do in my house. First my wife tells me what I want to do and then I do it.
I always have the last word in our discussions. I always say, "Yes, dear."
I do whatever I want to do in my house. First my wife tells me what I want to do and then I do it.
I always have the last word in our discussions. I always say, "Yes, dear."
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